Another Saturday Night And I Ain’t Got Triscoti’s.

Written by Esquire
September 22, 2010

Montreal Smoked Triscuit

Egg Salad Triscuit

As we all know, Vampires will never grow old, and they will never die. The same could be said about my love for the Triscuit Cracker. Even though I stock pile boxes of these, I have run out on occasion due to over consumption. This is probably because I eat these things with everything. Mark my word, no cracker is as versatile as the Triscuit. No cracker. I hope one day to have a party where only Triscuit's are served. There will be various Choose Your Own Adventure toppings to select from. If it is successful perhaps I will branch out to Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. This is my dream.

Above are a few gems I recently whipped up. My first example is the Smoked Meat Triscuit, a self proclaimed work of art. Second is the Egg Salad Triscuit.  Although equally delicious, it's pretty standard issue. Either way I feel both of these dishes should be considered as cover shots for the next Triscuit box. Perhaps that's my next venture. The guy made a million dollars.

Note: That Nabisco really has it all figured out. Upon further inspection I realized the Triscuit is nothing more then an adult Shreddie. Salted of course, but a Shreddie non the less. Genius.

Another Saturday Night. [audio:Saturday Night.mp3]

Guess Who’s Back In The Motherf#ing House, With A Phat Deli For Your Motherf#ing Mouth?

Written by Esquire
January 14, 2010

Phat Deli in Yaletown is a great little lunch spot. They actually import the smoked meat from the infamous Swartz's Deli in Montreal, a fine establishment.  Although the amount of meat is sub par compared to Swartz's version, its still a good sandwich. For Yaletown the price seems within reason. If you Frenchmen are feeling homesick, check it. I think they also have a poutine. I will have to find out next round.

Phat Deli. Yaletown, Vancouver. [audio:It Aint No Fun.mp3] It Aint No Fun. Snoop Dogg.

Poutine And The Blowfish

Written by Esquire
June 5, 2009


It was a long evening after the Blue Jays game in Toronto. We were drunk, tired, and sweaty. We were in need of something equally as filthy. Hooker Harvey's was considered, but quickly ruled out as too filthy for what we were after. With me was a lady of French descent.  Her instinctive skills set us on a  quest for poutine. Poutine? I thought. Her slender physique would have had me think otherwise. Smoke's Poutinerie is a new spot that just opened up on Adelaide St. They have so many different poutine flavors, it's offensive. The dude in line behind us looked like Hootie from the Blowfish. My squinting eyes saw "Montreal Smoked Meat" on the chalk board. I proceeded. It was as delicious as it was gluttonous. I still can't tell if this was the best or worse eating decision of my career. It made me feel like how a lady of the night must feel after getting dropped back off at the Harvey's. I digress.

Smoke's Poutinerie. Toronto, ON.

Of Montreal. Smoked Meat

Written by Esquire
June 1, 2009


Montreal, the city of love. So many things to eat, so little time. Montreal specializes in many things, but for now I shall focus on the delicatessen. Montreal has the best in the nation, including non other then Swartz's Deli. Its so famous, its actually infamous. Check it out if you ever make it EST. It's not terribly far from Montreal's most noted landmark,  Club Super Sex. Due to the success of Swartz's, their exported cured products can even be found in B.C, a land where it's frowned upon to eat meat. If you order the sandwich, it comes with several pounds of Montreal smoked meat, and only two slices of bread. Instead order the platter, make many a sandwich, and enjoy the feast with a friend and/or frenchmen of your choosing. Boy those Hebrew's sure know how to cure their meats. I considered converting once.

Swartz's Deli. Montreal.

[audio:Of Montreal.mp3]

Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.