Mo Money Means Mo Pizza Dough To Blow.

Written by Esquire
February 26, 2010

The good people at Monster Energy have been throwing ridiculous shakers all week up at Grouse Mountain's Altitudes Bistro the peak of Vancouver. Monster-Vodka drinks were consistently passed our way, and the pizza's were flowing in like boxed wine. Although they were extremely soft and doughy, the pies were still a nice late night snack. As we all know pizza standards drop ten fold with every drink consumed, so there was no concern in quality. Unfortunately we just missed the prime rib, which was apparently served earlier. Rumors I say. We found nothing but thick, soft, bouncing pizza up in those parts. Burrrrrrumski.

Altitudes Bistro. Grouse Mountain, Vancouver. [audio:Blow.mp3]

Filed Under Pizza, Vancouver
Comments: 1 Comment

In A Pizza Coma I know I know, It’s Serious.

Written by Esquire
February 22, 2010

If you ever find yourself trapped in middle earth for a week like I do every year, ease up on the Wendy's for one night and treat yourself to a nice dinner. The place is Bona Roma. No its not adult entertainment or anything like that. Its actually a very nice little pizza spot across from Canada Olympic Park in Calgary. They make a lovely deep dish. The amount of cheese they use acts like that of a horse tranquilizer, rendering you useless for the remainder of the evening. Comatose, if you will. This is a good thing, because there is absolutely nothing else to do on this baron stretch of Trans Canada highway.

Bona Roma. Calgary, AB.
[audio:Girlfriend In A Coma.mp3]

Filed Under Calgary, Italian, Pizza, Smiths
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Im Your Biggest Fan I’ll Follow You Until You Love Me. Pepper, Pepper-oni.

Written by Esquire
February 21, 2010

Im not sure if its a lack of the Italian community or what, but Vancouver is certainly a tough city to get really good pizza in. Of course there are a few good spots, but good god it's scarce. One of my favorites is Nat's Pizzeria. Nat's delivers in quality, and, well I guess they actually deliver. It's pretty much the only place I order from while in the downtown area. The pizza is great, and its very reasonably priced.  There is one location in Kits, and one on Denman St. The only bummer dude is they close at 10pm. This of course makes things extremely difficult for my late night snacking habits.  That's my cross to bare.

Note: This song is catchy as balls. I quite like this Lady GaGa character.  However, I can never quite tell if she is remotely attractive in any way, shape, or form.  This of course makes her extremely attractive.

Nat's New York Pizzeria. Vancouver. [audio:Paparazzi.mp3]

Wasted Away Again In Margherita (Pizza) Ville.

Written by Esquire
February 14, 2010

Ordering the Margherita is truly the best way to measure the quality of an establishment's pizza pie. I must say Terroni's has perfected this art. They have one of the finest pies you will find in Toronto. I could eat there every day. The sauce is outstanding, and the dough is perfect. There is much hype surrounding this spot. In this case,  believe.

Terroni's is known for their stern protocol. My friend always insists on toying with the servers and asks to substitute toppings, and to have the pizza served cut. This always makes them extremely angry. They will go into this spiel about how the owner does not allow substitutions, and his signature is to serve pizza uncut. I suppose that's how they do it in the old country. They are totally Pizza Nazis, It's amazing. This certainly adds to the ambience of Terroni.

Note: If you really want to mess with them, ask for parmesan cheese for your pizza. That request may actually get you kicked out. Some people claim that there's a women to blame. But I know. Its my own dam fault.

Terroni. Toronto. [audio:Margaritaville.mp3]

Filed Under Italian, Music, Peppers, Pizza, Toronto
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My President Is Black. My Strombos Blue. And I’ll Be God Dam If My Rims Aint Too.

Written by Esquire
February 4, 2010

Its amazing what you can find in the Denver Airport at 5am. Although they specialize exclusively in Pizza, that didn't stop Villa from opening for breakfast. They threw the old "bait and switch" on us. "I go high, you go low". "The Kansas City Shuffle" as it were .... only in Denver. Those clever sons of bitches made stromboli's, but subbed the pizza ingredients with breakfast ingredients. This particular strombo had bacon and eggs in it, rather then the pepperoni and cheese we have all grown accustom to. Well played Villa. Well played indeed. I admire there style. With innovative moves like that, surely Villa is here to stay. Very reminiscent of our friend La Cucaracha, who your likely to find in Villa's Pantry.

Villa's Pizza. Denver, CO. [audio: My President.mp3]

Filed Under Denver, Pizza
Comments: 2 Comments

I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain Librettos.

Written by Esquire
January 11, 2010

Arugula and the Old Boy


Pizzeria Libretto makes a very nice pie. Check them out in Toronto. They have received much hype as of late. The pizza has a nice sauce and a really thin crust, similar to a roti. Libretto always seems to be jammed from 5:30pm on, so roll early. Actually, I just heard they are now open for lunch. Booyah.

Note: You won't combine Pizza and Roti, making a highbred Pizzaroti?  That would be amazing. I hope I live to see that day. Iv'e also been waiting on the release of the hover board from Back to the Future Part 2. We are now officially in the future and still no sign of it.  I remain doubtful, yet patiently I wait.

Pizzeria Libretto. Toronto. [audio:makeitrain.mp3]

Filed Under Italian, Music, Pizza, Toronto
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After The Pizza Party It’s The Hotel Lobby.

Written by Esquire
December 21, 2009

Claudio, the Mayor of Varese.

The finest Margherita the world has ever seen

Pesto with Butter-like Cheese, shots of marinara.

Piedigrotta S.N.C. Varese, Italy. [audio:Fiesta.mp3]

Filed Under Italian, Italy, Pizza
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After the Show It’s the Pizza Party.

Written by Esquire
December 21, 2009

Pine nuts, Rapini, Brie Cheese. Sidecar of Bocchini, you won't.
The old country: Italy. Meal #1.  Next level shit. Seriously. Even our Fine Italian Host Giuseppe had never seen Pizza get this crazy before. Summer of 2002 called, they want the thinner version of me back. Somebody help. If you ever find yourself in the Village of Varese, just north of Milan, go here. And yes.  Those are indeed side cars of bocchini to accent the toppings of Pine nuts, rapini, and Brie cheese.
Piedigrotta S.N.C. Varese, Italy.

Filed Under Italy, Pizza
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You, Remind Me Of Home-made Pizza.

Written by Esquire
June 25, 2009


This is one of my go-to homemade pizzas. I call it the Green Dragon. Its hotter then balls. Jerk Chicken, spinach, green peppers, jalapeno peppers, cayenne peppers, onions. You can actually breath fire after you  eat it. Very reminiscent to that of an actual Dragon. A Green one in fact. What many will find fascinating is it contains almost no fat, and is made with Whole wheat Pita bread and light mozzarella cheese. I can almost hear myself loosing weight each time I eat one. The problem is I usually eat two.

[audio:you remind me of home..mp3]

Filed Under Jerk Chicken, Pizza
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If you like Pizza Lombardi’s. And Getting Caught In The Rain.

Written by Esquire
June 15, 2009

I was in NY city a while back. First timer. That place is nothing like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles portrayed it to be. I was expecting some seedy areas, garbage in alleyways, dudes in leather jackets hanging on stoops etc. Apparently it has not been that way for several years now. Rudy Juliani is said to have done a real bang up job cleaning up the city. I can concur, that place is like a movie set, and the people are lovely. During happy hour (all day, every day, 11 to 8pm) we would stumble upon a pizzeria or two while being day drunk.

Lombardi's claims to be America's First Pizzeria,  as stated on their plaque. (Plaque? spelt same as the teeth kind?) They still use the original oven from 1905. You can hardly tell, looks brand new (see photo). The pizza's were nice. Not off the charts amazing, but very good. Although, there were others on this tour that impressed us more. Either way it was great to visit where it all began. If you are religious and actually believe in this Jesus character, then It was the equivalent of you going to see a Manger in Bethlehem.

Lombardi's. NewYork, NY.

[audio:pina coladas.mp3]

Filed Under New York, Pizza
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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.