Dominos. Let The Music Take You Over Dominos.



Written by Esquire
January 23, 2012






20120123-111904.jpg As you can see, I have been very busy as of late: COMPLAINT Dear Domino's, It is with great displeasure that I write you this letter. After seeing several advertisements where you are essentially bragging about your new and improved cheesy bread, we were compelled to order. It was more curiosity than hunger, but the commercial asked us to try so we did. Unfortunately the cheesy bread was only adequate. It wasn't terrible per say, but in no way was it a memorable cheesy bread experience. We also ordered boneless chicken wings to accompany our bread. They came in stale and soggy. We realize this can happen in transport, but we only live a block away. Once the chicken had been reheated in the oven, they mildly improved. Perhaps in your commercial you should warn your customers to pre-heat their ovens upon arrival of boneless chicken wings? In closing, if you are going to have a commercial that claims improvement and superior products, you certainly have some work to do. As avid pizza and delivery service enthusiasts, we feel great shame for your establishment. We highly recommend you start spending your advertising dollars on actually improving your products, rather than talking about how improved your products are. Oh yes we did? Actually, oh no you didn't. - END NOTE RESPONSE Sorry to hear you disliked our American commercials of the improved cheesy bread. Here in Canada the cheesy bread recipe did not change, that is probably why you thought it was only adequate. I`m not sure why the boneless chicken arrived the way they did, but i will definitely check into the situation. I would like to give you a credit for $25 which you may use @ your convenience. You may use this credit towards any of your purchases @ the store when you call. Thank you for taking the time to let us know how your dinner was. We will do our best to re-train our team in the preparation and delivery of our products. Once again, `sorry`for the misleading American commercials to you and the rest of our Canadian (Vancouverites) pizza lovers (in this case, cheesy bread lover!) If you have any more concerns or questions, you may contact myself via email or telephone . Dominos.
      Bailamos - Enrique Englesias
   
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No One On The Corner Has Shawarma Like Us.



Written by Esquire
December 21, 2011






20111221-171820.jpg

I recently hit up Falafel Maison, which happens to be just around the corner from me. Their Shawarma plate is delicious, but the thing is after this meal you need to drink a gallon of water to battle the salt intake. Why so salty ? I can only assume Cook Ahmed grew up in a small village near the Dead Sea, and adding this obscene amount of salt is his way of remembering the mother land.

Something else I observed while hanging on the corner: there are some very questionable fashion decisions being made on Robson St. these days. What in god's name are people wearing? Bulky sweaters, sweatpants, white puffy coats with fake fur on them, Lulu Lemon pants,  UGGs... uggh. It's as though the entire city has collectively given up on life and resorted back to their outfits of 2003 just because it's cold out.  This is inexcusable. What a fucking disgrace. Vancouver's general population: Roast.

Note: Can't wear skinny jeans cuz my nuts don't fit. - Jay Z. True dat Jigga Man, true dat.

Falafel Maison. Vancouver.
      Swagga Like Us

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I’ll Explain Everything To The Greeks.



Written by Esquire
September 9, 2011






I first stumbled across Scoozies many moons ago. In those days my friends and I had a lot of free time on our hands. We didn't exactly have day jobs per say. To break up the week we would often head down to the financial district at lunch hour to scam on business babes. It never worked. I suppose we should have worn suits or something? What we did find was a lovely family run Greek cafe. Some bangers to order at Scoozies are as follows: the meatball dish, the lemon chicken soup, and the Greek salad with chicken above. A nice feature is they serve a piece of grapefruit with every dish. I have always enjoyed the grapefruit. Speaking of which,  a wise man once said to me: Son, when looking for a mate, you're going to want to go ahead and find yourself a grapefruit. They take a little work, but once you get them open you have the goods. A little work? Yeah right. What qualifications does one need to be deemed a Wise Man these days anyway?

Note: I have no idea what in god's name this song is about, but it often stays in my head for months at a time. I sing it exclusively in the shower. The National rules.

Scoozies. Vancouver, BC.
      Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks
The National.  

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I Just Want To Eat. I Just Want To Eat At Peaceful.



Written by Esquire
September 6, 2011






I'm on a real Chinese binge as of late. Of all the foreign establishments in this fine Asian influenced city, it is Peaceful Restaurant that I desire the most. You won't open up a second location even closer to my home? Tis true, they now have a spot downtown in addition to the original on Broadway and Cambie. This is trouble for my mid section. I only burn through 15 calories max on my walk over, yet I consume thousands in one feeding. This equation is certainly not adding up in my favor. Yet I proceed. Go in a large group so you can try everything. Some mandatory orders are as follows: Sichuan Cucumbers. Mu-Shu noodle. Peaceful Beef roll. Xiao-Long Bao Steamed Buns above.

Note: I want the money. Money and The Cars. Cars And The Clothes. The Ho's. I suppose... I do quite like the part about the ho's I suppose,  but it reminds me, the success I once hoped to achieve has quickly become an irrelevant daydream. Though I may never have such fancy things like Drake, I will likely still have my appetite.

Peaceful Restaurant. Vancouver, BC.

      Successful
 

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Just Going To Stand There And Get Heart Burn. That’s Alright It Was The Tacos From The Furn.



Written by Esquire
August 24, 2011






Anytime I see a sign for all you can eat, I always feel there should be a question mark after it. All you can eat? After all, it's a question, not a statement. A challenge even. I saw someone eat 22 tacos in one sitting at the El Furniture Warehouse once. I would expect as much from a larger man. But this particular gentleman's physique resembled that of Olympic Diving Legend Greg Louganis. 22 may not seem like much, but to put it into perspective, I was only able to take down 8.  I am clearly a glutton, and although I am not technically Mexican, I certainly could pass for one. Surely this should have given me an edge? Regrettably it did not. Always a bridesmaid... Speaking of bridesmaids, Peter Andersen: Respect. You eat like a man twice your size you slim son of a bitch. Disrespect: me.

Note: Rihanna hurts my heart. It must be her beauty that does this. Or maybe it's because this song reminds me of eating tacos and getting actual heart burn? Hmm. Either way, Rihanna is my dark angel. There is nothing  I shall want.

(El Furniture) Famous Warehouse. Vancouver.
      Love The Way You Lie
 

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Sad Songs For Dirty Aprons.



Written by Esquire
August 22, 2011






Dirty Apron has a nice little deli. Some would call it a secret deli, as they are mainly known for their cooking classes. Actually, If you get the chance you should take one of those too. It's good times, and most importantly they serve wine as you are learning to cook the meal. From the deli, every sandwich I have tried so far has been banging. Take for example this pork Vietnamese sub above.  This sub was dirty. The good kind of dirty of course.

Note: I'm referring to Catholic High School girl dirty as apposed to East Van crack whore dirty. I mention this because both can be found in this area of town. Dirty Apron. Vancouver, BC.
      ♫ Fashion Coat
(Album: Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers)

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      Fashion%20Coat

Filed Under Sandwich, Vancouver
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Waka Flocka Flame Broiled.



Written by Esquire
June 28, 2011






This morning I awoke and recollected nothing, absolutely nothing.  I looked around my apartment and realized everything was too perfectly in place. I thought to myself The drunk version of me cant possibly be this good can he? I instantly got that nervous feeling, but I was at ease once I saw my wallet and iphone neatly placed on my counter. I then made moves to the fridge. Again, everything looked proper. And then of course I opened the garbage and saw this above. What the fuck a flame? I have no recollection what so ever, but it is clear I made a trip to the BK at some point in my drunken escapade. What did I even order? I have no fucking clue. Was the meal any good? I sure hope so. Was the Black Keys concert any good? Again, I sure hope so. I am a real piece of work sometimes. It's so weird because I usually remember everything - This last statement is completely false but it's what I keep telling myself. I suppose that's how you Monday? Dear god, help me... Flocka!

Note: This song is real grimey, son. Burger King.
      ♬ Hard in da paint.

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Greek Day Yeah I Can’t Say No.



Written by Esquire
June 26, 2011






Today is Greek Day, a day where we must must try everything Greek. When I desire the Greek at home Dallas Pizza is one of the best places to order in from. My all time go-to is of course Stephos, but regrettably they don't deliver. Order from Dallas. Trust me. They do something magical with those potatoes. The carb loading is all time. The Greek may very well be one of my all time favorites. Yet sometimes I get the feeling I have never even tried it before. Straight to the Greek, no Tazeek.

Note: This song reminds me of the time I was 13, and we went to Greek Town Toronto to buy skateboards  from Hogtown Skates on the Danforth. Souvlaki: respect.

Dallas Pizza. Vancouver.
      ♫Weakness.

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She’s Lump. She’s Lump. She’s Lump. She’s Meat And Bread.



Written by Esquire
June 23, 2011






This place is pretty awesome. They may only have three flavors of sandwiches on their menu, but that's clearly all they need. I have been there many times and they have never let me down. The Porchetta is said to be the most desirable sandwich they have. This is incorrect. I personally don't care much for the fatty chunks often found in this sandwich. Don't get me wrong it's delicious, but it's the Spicy meatball that has won my heart. I recommend going with a friend and ordering all three sandwiches on the menu. That way you each get to sample the variety, and decide for yourself which is best.

Note: Spice is the variety of life. Ask for extra Sriracha.

Meat and Bread. Vancouver, BC ♫ She's Lump . ( I refuse to download this song)  

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I Predict A Riot. I Predict A Diet.



Written by Esquire
June 16, 2011






After a very interesting evening,  I awoke and took a long hard look in the mirror. While lost in the gaze of my big brown eyes,  something became clearly evident: I need to go on a diet.

Finally, these god forsaken NHL playoffs are over. For the last two months I've been required to put my body through the ringer a minimum of 3 times a week,  all in the name of sport. The lack of fitness, the inevitable drinking, the constant snacking on deep fried delights; It really takes a toll on the physique. As if that wasn't enough, these fuck wads had to go and trash this beautiful city. Thank god they stuck to burning the retail district. I don't know what I would do if any harm had come to my beloved food establishments. What a bunch of neanderthals.

Note: For the record, I'm never embarrassed about my food choices. What brings me great shame is the fact that I live amongst cavemen.

      ♫ Riot.

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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.