I Could Really Use Some Fish Right Now, Fish Right Now, Fish Right Now.
If you like donuts then you are going to love these Halibut Bites at the Brazen Head. They were as soft as marshmallows. We had quite the evening at the Brazeen Heed. In fact, if I had not stumbled upon this image on my phone, I would have never been able to recall exactly what took place over the weekend.
Read fast, it will sound more exciting: Play in amateur baseball game. Run out of beer in 2nd inning. Reload beer by 4th inning. Win game. Celebrate at Brazen Head. Order food and spirits. Wonder if Krispy Kreme themselves are responsible for creating the wonderful Fish Bites? Pay outlandish bill. Order more drinks. Pay second outlandish bill. Fall off bike. Fall asleep on couch. Wake up. Sun Tan. Fall asleep in the sun. Dream about Fish Bites. Attend Much Music Awards After Party. Hit Bottle service. Fall on a Raptor. Leave party by force. Fall asleep on couch. Get on an airplane. Find image of Fish Bites on phone. Feel both physically and emotionally empty inside. Cry. Repeat cycle. Wow. I love Toronto.
Note: Fell on a Raptor? You may be thinking: Does he mean fell off a rafter? No, I mean fell on an actual 7ft Toronto Raptor. A player. Fuck.
Brazen Head. Toronto.
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Island Foods. In The Sun.
Island Foods is one of my favorite roti spots in Toronto. For those of you who live under a rock, the roti is pretty much the burrito of the Caribbean. Roti ‘s are filled with various curries and other spicy Island delights. It often takes years of training your belly to handle these interesting spices and flavors.
Due to the fact that it’s been hot as balls in Toronto lately, it’s often difficult to take down a whole roti in one sitting. After all, they are huge bitches. Your going to need to drink something. Thank god for Grace Ginger beer.
Note: Although not technically a sweet, I recommend grabbing a few Jamaican patties for desert. Sweet ups.
Island Foods. Toronto.
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Happiness, Is A Warm Bun.
School is a nice little lunch spot in Liberty Village, Toronto. Their menu is very clever. It’s printed on loose leaf paper, similar to the sheets used in actual school. Very clever indeed. I dropped into the SBC Burger with yam fries. Although the bun was a little large for the patty, it was nicely toasted and brushed with some of that spicy aioli. It’s hard to find an item without that condiment these days. Word in the yard is they have a decent weekend brunch as well.
After your meal head across the street to Brazen Head for ye old after school special. The Guinness & Strongbow combo is a wonderful way to achieve mid day drunk status. Day drinking is of course very reminiscent of being in high school, although I think the mixture was Growers & OE back then.
Note: In theory, or hypothetically speaking as they say - If I were to have had a child when I was in the 11th grade day drunk = poor decisions it’s conceivable that little barrel of joy would be in high school today. Wow, I’m old as balls. Wait, did I add that up right? I was never very good at math. If this is even remotely possible then fuck my actual life. Thank god intercourse was non existent in those days.
School. Liberty Village, Toronto.
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Wasted Away Again In Margherita (Pizza) Ville.
Ordering the Margherita is truly the best way to measure the quality of an establishment’s pizza pie. I must say Terroni’s has perfected this art. They have one of the finest pies you will find in Toronto. I could eat there every day. The sauce is outstanding, and the dough is perfect. There is much hype surrounding this spot. In this case, believe.
Terroni’s is known for their stern protocol. My friend always insists on toying with the servers and asks to substitute toppings, and to have the pizza served cut. This always makes them extremely angry. They will go into this spiel about how the owner does not allow substitutions, and his signature is to serve pizza uncut. I suppose that’s how they do it in the old country. They are totally Pizza Nazis, It’s amazing. This certainly adds to the ambience of Terroni.
Note: If you really want to mess with them, ask for parmesan cheese for your pizza. That request may actually get you kicked out. Some people claim that there’s a women to blame. But I know. Its my own dam fault.
Terroni. Toronto.
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I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain Librettos.
Arugula and the Old Boy
Margherita
Pizzeria Libretto makes a very nice pie. Check them out in Toronto. They have received much hype as of late. The pizza has a nice sauce and a really thin crust, similar to a roti. Libretto always seems to be jammed from 5:30pm on, so roll early. Actually, I just heard they are now open for lunch. Booyah.
Note: You won’t combine Pizza and Roti, making a highbred Pizzaroti? That would be amazing. I hope I live to see that day. Iv’e also been waiting on the release of the hover board from Back to the Future Part 2. We are now officially in the future and still no sign of it. I remain doubtful, yet patiently I wait.
Pizzeria Libretto. Toronto.
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Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay Ay. El Asador. Ay Mi Morena, De Mi Corazon
The crispy rolled tocos at Tacos El Asador on Bloor are almost as hot as these three (both temperature and spice). Actually every taco they make is awesome. I cannot guarantee there will be babes of this caliber present, but I would still suggest you go for the food alone. The crispy rolled tacos are all time. I ate 5 once. That was not the best idea.
Tacos El Asador. Toronto, ON.
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California (Sandwiches). Here we come.
One of the best Italian sandwich spots in Toronto is California Sandwiches. They now have multiple locations, but the original is in an actual house, in the middle of a subdivision near College St. I think my friend’s grandma used to next door in the 60′s. The Queensway location has one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen working the cash. Each sandwich can easily feed two. I still always eat the whole thing myself.
California Sandwiches. Toronto.
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Last Dance For Mary (Browns) Jane. One Drum Stick To Kill The Pain.
This place has amazing fried chicken, Im surprised its not in the United States. What’s equally impressive is their taters. Its as though they have some how made the taters taste identical to the chicken. Perhaps they apply actual chicken skin to potatoes, then bread them? Any time you are in middle earth Ontario, be sure to check this place out. Mary Browns. The locations are hard to find but well worth the search. Clue: There is one right near Yorkdale on Dufferin. Booyah.
Mary Browns. Ontario.
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Swiss Chalet, Ok, Ok.
Although frowned upon in the west, this meal is a staple for most every family in the east. I cant help but to notice there is more pride taken in the quality of the Chalets in Ontario then anywhere else. During the holidays the quarter chicken Festive Special is a lovely alternative to the classic turkey dinner. Swiss Chalet. Be sure to order two chalet sauces, as one is never enough. At only 26 calories per sauce, you cant afford not to double down.
Swiss Chalet. Canada.
It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding.
As seen above, the amount of food served at this wedding could be best described as offensive amazing. Boy those Italians sure know how to over eat. God bless them. God bless them all. Not 20 minutes after concluding the 7 course meal, a buffet of mini burgers, fries, and grill cheese was rolled out. Had I known to expect these midnight snacks I certainly would have paced myself during the meal, and on the dance floor. But alas, I dove into that buffet as aggressive as I did the dance. ”Dancing till my heels bled. Was the summer of 69 09.”
The Hills. Toronto.
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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.
