Subway Be My Friend Tonight. Subway Be My Friend Tonight.
I curse the gods for putting a Subway so close to my apartment. On most days I despise this place with all that I am. When sober, I would never step foot in this establishment for the sole reason that my clothing will smell like strange bread for the remainder of the day. Yet on certain occasions I can’t help but to remember that Subway has gotten me out of some serious jams. Airport hunger, yes. However in this instance I am referring to late night adventures gone wrong. As a human, I realize sometimes the body can no longer function unless you give it substance. Vodka soda… regrettably not on the sustainability list. Subway is my only late night friend… a friend who will always be there for me, nourish me, offer me chocolate milk and such. Subway is my new BFF? If so then FML…. Fuck Mel’s Life™.
It’s plausible the only reason I have this new friend is because the location by my place is now open 24 hrs. It’s green and yellow fluorescent sign glares into my window late at night. I can feel it presence, constantly taunting me, calling out my name. “Help me Cold Cut-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope“.
Note: Would Subway please introduce a 9 inch sub option already? For the love of god, clearly 6 inch’s is a child’s sandwich. 12 inches are for boheims and Americans. Please. And by earlier stating FML I am referring to Mel Gibson’s life. His actual life. Clearly our lives could not be any worse then his at this point in time. I can’t believe this is the same man that brought us Braveheart.
I never want to eat alone. I never want to see her eat alone.
Subway. Everywhere. Gross.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
I’m Not Looking For A New England Clam Chowder. I’m Just Looking For Another Girl.
Due to the fact that I don’t eat sea bugs, I’ve never ingested Clams of any sort, until recently. If I had known that Clam Chowder tasted like rich buttery Alfredo sauce, surely I would have tried this shit years ago. As it turns out my allergies to ocean insects have subsided to a degree. I enjoyed the soup without being fully choked out. My ears and throat where a little itchy, but that was the extent of it. This Chowder and Ahi Tuna Club sandwich combo certainly hit the spot.
Note: I couldn’t help but to notice that at Coast every guest is treated as though they are wealthy. Cloth napkins are placed on your lap, and wine glasses are used, even for water. This is standard protocol, even for those who look like dirtbags. What a nice feature.
Coast. Vancouver, BC.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Because Your Sub, Your Sub, Your Sub, Is My Drug.
I’ve walked by Finch’s a thousand times and never once thought to step inside. I figured it was a local hang out for artists to discuss art with other artists, over a coffee specifically not from Starbucks. It’s all very artsy. This diverse crowd also suggests vegan types frequent this establishment, so I always steered clear. Little did I know Finch’s makes amazing sandwiches. I guess the proper word at a tea house would be a baguette. Where Im from, we call them submarines, as they are shaped like Das Boot. Inside this particular sub was prosciutto, pear, brie, and candied walnuts. Dope as. It was so good even those who claim they don’t eat meat but they sure like the bone would enjoy it. It was very much like crack, all it takes is one hit and your hooked. I considered going back for dinner that very evening. The following day while eating a different sandwich from a different place, all I could think about was the flavor overload that Finch’s had earlier provided.
Note: Don’t let my haste towards the Art Community confuse you. I merely poke fun because I lack creativity. Besides, we share the same enemy. Artsy people despise the common man as much as I do. My enemies enemy is my friend?
Finch’s. Vancouver, BC.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
If You A Fat Chick Gettin Your Fu*k On Tonight Bamboo, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh.
The Chicken Pesto Panini at Bamboo Cafe is really something else. If you are in Gastown its definitely a good spot to check out for lunch. The spread is a pesto aioli of sorts, on a nicely toasted panini. They also have this energy Kool-aid type of product called Vroom in their fountain. I usually only drink water, but at Bamboo I always get this drink. Refreshing to say the least, and full of electrolytes. I think it would be awesome with vodka, but Bamboo is the only place I have seen this product. Regrettably, they do not sell the vodka drink at this cafe.
Bamboo Cafe. Gastown, Vancouver.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Guess Who’s Back In The Motherf#ing House, With A Phat Deli For Your Motherf#ing Mouth?
Phat Deli in Yaletown is a great little lunch spot. They actually import the smoked meat from the infamous Swartz’s Deli in Montreal, a fine establishment. ♥ Although the amount of meat is sub par compared to Swartz’s version, its still a good sandwich. For Yaletown the price seems within reason. If you Frenchmen are feeling homesick, check it. I think they also have a poutine. I will have to find out next round.
Phat Deli. Yaletown, Vancouver.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
I Want To Make Love To This Club. Sandwich.
Another hot item from Amsterdam was this Club Sandwich. It hit me right in the aioli. Garlic aioli in fact. Unfortunately I cannot confirm exact coordinates of where to obtain this glorious snack. It appears the aggressive amount of brew-ski’s consumed that very day has jogged the memory. What I can recollect was this particular restaurant had a red Heineken sign. The problem is every street in Amsterdam has hundreds of Heineken signs, many of them red. Ballsnekia to ever finding that place again.
(Ballsnekia -balls-neck-e-ah – a Dutch word, meaning “balls”. )
One spot you will have no problem finding is the Grolsch Bar. Actually, it will find you. No matter how far you walk, and how lost you get, you will most definitely end up back at this bar every time. Its like magic, or a fantasy. I can imagine Narnia would be very similar to Amsterdam in that regard.
Although the beer at Grolsch is very cold, regrettably the food is nothing like the club above. In fact, its terrible. Don’t eat there, and you will have a splendid time. I repeat, the beer is ice cold.
Grolsch Bar. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
California (Sandwiches). Here we come.
One of the best Italian sandwich spots in Toronto is California Sandwiches. They now have multiple locations, but the original is in an actual house, in the middle of a subdivision near College St. I think my friend’s grandma used to next door in the 60′s. The Queensway location has one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen working the cash. Each sandwich can easily feed two. I still always eat the whole thing myself.
California Sandwiches. Toronto.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Gimme Shelter.
As soon as I saw this style of Yam fry I felt this place had to be related to the Cactus Club in some way. I’m not sure if this is true but the yam would say otherwise. I know my yams. Either way, Shelter in Tofino, BC. makes an awesome Halibut Burger to go with these crispy yam fries. The older I get the more I am beginning to really like the fish. I suppose it’s hard not to like anything that has been battered and deep fried. What a wonderful treatment.
Shelter. Tofino, BC.
You Can Find Me In The Club. Sandwich.
It was the W hotel. September. Not a cloud in the sky. The sun was blazing. The sweat off my brow reminded me of a time when I thought rap would never die. I ordered a club sandwich, poolside no less. When the snack arrived I couldn’t help but notice it was more beautiful then the waitress who brought it to me. With a single glance it was clear this sandwich was off the heels, hard off the heels. It had the basic ingredients of the club sandwich. Turkey breast, bacon, tomato, lettuce, etc. However, in this particular sandwich there was something different. First off all, each piece of bread was delicately hand grilled. Inside was a fine layer of avacado, and a fried egg! As I proceeded It felt much like a dream. This was the single greatest sandwich I had ever tasted. Then I got to thinking…. had the 5 Coors Lights I had previously consumed that very morning altered my taste buds to such a degree? Was my judgement compromised? I may never know the answer to those questions. Either way, thank god I took a picture. White people rarely do cool shit like this to their sandwiches.
Note: With a bullet, #1 on the all time on the sandwich list: The W’s Club.
W Hotel. San Diego, CA.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Of Montreal. Smoked Meat
Montreal, the city of love. So many things to eat, so little time. Montreal specializes in many things, but for now I shall focus on the delicatessen. Montreal has the best in the nation, including non other then Swartz’s Deli. Its so famous, its actually infamous. Check it out if you ever make it EST. It’s not terribly far from Montreal’s most noted landmark, Club Super Sex. Due to the success of Swartz’s, their exported cured products can even be found in B.C, a land where it’s frowned upon to eat meat. If you order the sandwich, it comes with several pounds of Montreal smoked meat, and only two slices of bread. Instead order the platter, make many a sandwich, and enjoy the feast with a friend and/or frenchmen of your choosing. Boy those Hebrew’s sure know how to cure their meats. I considered converting once.
Swartz’s Deli. Montreal.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.
