Please Please Cheese. Let Me Get What I Want This Time.



Written by Esquire
October 8, 2011






 

For once in my life, can I please get served a proper Nacho dish? It's no secret that in order to achieve a successful Nacho one must layer the cheeses and ingredients accordingly. If you don't use a layering technique, it renders 85% of the dish useless.  On top of that, almost every establishment has the nerve of charging $20 a plate and of course $4 extra for a thimble of gaucamole. Fuck you Pubs everywhere. Save yourself the trouble and go buy a bag of Dorritos. At least they are seasoned. Despite my love for the appetizer, I almost never order nachos. But alas, finally I have found a worthy dish. My beloved Mexican friends at Salsa and Agave, but of course.  Their layering of the cheeses is incredible. They even use that white Mexican cheese that I like so much. They serve the meat on the side for personalized distribution. To top it off they are only $10. I promise you will be pleased with their chos, bros. Lord knows it would be the first time.

Note: Usually the cardinal rule is Chos before Hos. But in this case you are going to want to share. If you eat this whole dish all by yourself, then god have mercy on your soul.  In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sanct. Salsa and Agave. Vancouver, BC.
      Please Please Please
 
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Just Going To Stand There And Get Heart Burn. That’s Alright It Was The Tacos From The Furn.



Written by Esquire
August 24, 2011






Anytime I see a sign for all you can eat, I always feel there should be a question mark after it. All you can eat? After all, it's a question, not a statement. A challenge even. I saw someone eat 22 tacos in one sitting at the El Furniture Warehouse once. I would expect as much from a larger man. But this particular gentleman's physique resembled that of Olympic Diving Legend Greg Louganis. 22 may not seem like much, but to put it into perspective, I was only able to take down 8.  I am clearly a glutton, and although I am not technically Mexican, I certainly could pass for one. Surely this should have given me an edge? Regrettably it did not. Always a bridesmaid... Speaking of bridesmaids, Peter Andersen: Respect. You eat like a man twice your size you slim son of a bitch. Disrespect: me.

Note: Rihanna hurts my heart. It must be her beauty that does this. Or maybe it's because this song reminds me of eating tacos and getting actual heart burn? Hmm. Either way, Rihanna is my dark angel. There is nothing  I shall want.

(El Furniture) Famous Warehouse. Vancouver.
      Love The Way You Lie
 

Filed Under Mexican, Vancouver
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Pit Bull Taco.



Written by Esquire
July 13, 2011






If you happen to find yourself wandering in a camp ground in Cardiff  by the actual sea, then please do yourself a favor and hit up Bull Taco. Regrettably this  establishment resembles more of an outhouse then a restaurant, but fear not. Once you take a bite of their delicious version of the ever so famous Cali Burrito, you will soon forget the port-o-potty style of service. Besides, you will be too busy viewing the glorious pacific ocean which is seen from the dinning area. Fucking gorgeous. Burritos in paradise bro.

Note: A long haired Sanduski poses here with the Shrimp Cali Burrito by the sea. Although he does not care for Pitbull's music in the slightest, he has been known to pretend  solely for the affection of babes.  Respect.

Bull Taco. Cardiff. CA.
      ♫I Know
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Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots. Tots. Everybody.



Written by Esquire
September 13, 2010






On Friday's I often like to head to the mall for lunch. I figure dinning with the common folk keeps me honest, and the food court has a wide variety of garbage to ingest. Why I choose Taco Time more often then not is a complete mystery to me. Yet each visit I proceed directly to the south west corner of the food court, like clockwork. This type of snacking has got to stop. When I am done eating this meal it usually feels as though I have been hit by a large automobile.  I know this feeling because I have actually been hit twice before by large automobiles. For real.  Derek Foreal.

Taco Time. Kind of gross bro.
      Shots.

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Its A Tragedy For Me To See, Hot Sauce All Over. But I Never Will Forget The Meal We Had. Taco Bell I’ll Miss You.



Written by Esquire
May 30, 2010






There were several instances where my associates and I would go to the  movie theater just to eat Taco Bell.  We would gladly pay the $12.95 movie premium to cover up the desire to dine at The Dynamic Duo: KFC/TB.

Note: When eating theater tacos,  precautionary measures must be taken. There is no such thing as too many napkins, and all hot sauces are to be applied before sitting in the dark theater to feast.

Each time I ate theater Bell I would assume all was well.  But then the movie would finish, lights would come on, and shit would be absolutely everywhere.  My thighs always got the worst of it. As customers exited the theater they would point at me and whisper to one another  that's the man  who had intercourse with  a burrito supreme. I always dreaded that situation, and often contemplated if the meal was worth such ridicule. Looking back, what I would give to  hold a taco in absolute theater darkness one last time. I would slather hot sauce all over my  chest if it would guarantee one more rendezvous. But alas, my slacks will never be soiled again. For KFC/TB at Scotia Bank Theater is no more. This is a tremendous loss for the snacking community.

Note: This masterpiece seen above is my brother's creation. I can't help but to think he knew the Duo wouldn't be here for much longer. On what would be our final visit, he exploited everything the joint menu had to offer,  creating a Hybrid dish. I give you the Popcorn Chicken Taco Supreme. To remember better days...

Taco Bell Scotia Bank Theater. Vancouver, BC. May 2006 - March 2010.

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Everybody Salsa. & Agave.



Written by Esquire
April 12, 2010






I was watching BET while eating tacos the other day, and something occurred to me. Black dudes and mexican spots have a few things in common.  First of all, both are usually awesome. Secondly, both seem to be everywhere in America, yet so very scarce in the city of Vancouver. Despite these limitations, one place that is well worth checking out is Salsa and Agave. It's a small spot near Pacific and Davie St, right beside the DQ Hot Eats, Cool Treats. The waitresses are extremely nice. Most of them sound just like Penelope Cruise, which confirms this place is a legitimate mexican eatery. Wait, Penelope is from Spain. I guess they sound more like Selena? Either way, I would recommend ordering the Tostadas as seen above. The Chorizo Taco is also quite nice. Prices are mellow tokes as well bro. Hit em up hit em up.

Salsa & Agave. Vancouver, BC.

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Oh, Donna (Guacamoles)



Written by Esquire
December 6, 2009






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We were so drunk when we ate here, I had forgotten this place until I came across this photo, and of course my visa statement. Tacos were ordered, that is certain. I can't say I remember much of how they tasted. What I do remember was the restaurant was absolutely rammed with people. There were lots of actual Mexicans eating there, which is a good sign. One of the staff resembled a young Antonio Bandaras.  He insisted on sending complimentary shots of Tequila our way. That's always a nice feature. I shall have to return sometime and give this place the old college try.

Don Guacamole's. Vancouver.

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Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay Ay. El Asador. Ay Mi Morena, De Mi Corazon



Written by Esquire
November 15, 2009






babes

The crispy rolled tocos at  Tacos El Asador on Bloor are almost as hot as these three (both temperature and spice).  Actually every taco they make is awesome. I cannot guarantee there will be babes of this caliber present, but I would still suggest you go for the food alone. The crispy rolled tacos are all time. I ate 5 once. That was not the best idea.

Tacos El Asador. Toronto, ON.

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Tin Fish SD. Yeah You Know Me.



Written by Esquire
September 9, 2009






Fish Taco

Tin Fish in San Diego. If your in the downtown Gas Lamps area, this is a hot spot for lunch. The convention center is just across the street. We found ourselves eating and drinking here for days. It was much like a mexican style cactus club of sorts. Spots like these need to be in Canada already.

Tin Fish. San Diego, CA.

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Come Mr.Tally Man, Johnny Me Bananas.



Written by Esquire
August 5, 2009






tri tacos This is a great little spot in Toronto. As seen above, I ordered 3 different meats in each taco. Beef, Chicken, and chorizo.The Tri-vector of meats. The Triboney, jabroni. Hit up Johnny Bananas. Johnny Bananas. Toronto, ON.

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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.