Wasted Away Again In Margherita (Pizza) Ville.

Written by Esquire
February 14, 2010

Ordering the Margherita is truly the best way to measure the quality of an establishment's pizza pie. I must say Terroni's has perfected this art. They have one of the finest pies you will find in Toronto. I could eat there every day. The sauce is outstanding, and the dough is perfect. There is much hype surrounding this spot. In this case,  believe.

Terroni's is known for their stern protocol. My friend always insists on toying with the servers and asks to substitute toppings, and to have the pizza served cut. This always makes them extremely angry. They will go into this spiel about how the owner does not allow substitutions, and his signature is to serve pizza uncut. I suppose that's how they do it in the old country. They are totally Pizza Nazis, It's amazing. This certainly adds to the ambience of Terroni.

Note: If you really want to mess with them, ask for parmesan cheese for your pizza. That request may actually get you kicked out. Some people claim that there's a women to blame. But I know. Its my own dam fault.

Terroni. Toronto. [audio:Margaritaville.mp3]

Filed Under Italian, Music, Peppers, Pizza, Toronto
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If You A Fat Chick Gettin Your Fu*k On Tonight Bamboo, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh.

Written by Esquire
February 12, 2010

The Chicken Pesto Panini at Bamboo Cafe is really something else. If you are in Gastown its definitely a good spot to check out for lunch. The spread is a pesto aioli of sorts, on a nicely toasted panini. They also have this energy Kool-aid type of product called Vroom in their fountain. I usually only drink water, but at Bamboo I always get this drink. Refreshing to say the least, and full of electrolytes.  I think it would be awesome with vodka, but Bamboo is the only place I have seen this product.  Regrettably, they do not sell the vodka drink at this cafe.

Bamboo Cafe. Gastown, Vancouver.


Filed Under Music, Sandwich, Vancouver
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Hurts So Good. Come On Mayonnaise Make It Hurt So Good.

Written by Esquire
January 31, 2010

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world to eat fries dipped in mayonnaise.- Job 2:19.

If the inventor of mayonnaise is receiving residuals of any kind for his creation, surely he is absolutely killing it these days. Fried potatoes and mayo.  This combination of grease and fat is next level shit. We as human beings should all be very proud.  You would imagine these products would be a tough sell in this fragile market of Weight Watching and Biggest Loser-ing. Apparently this is not at all the case. At Fritz they even have several different flavors of mayonnaise to top your fritz.

Biggest Loser Couples -Its changing lives. I actually have a Hockey-like Pool going for this show. Each gambler picks the contestant they think will loose the most weight by the finale. Winner takes all. Just to clarify, Im serious. I have 10$ on Sam, one of the Samoan cousins on Team Grey. I cheer for him every Tuesday. I wish misery and failure to all that stand in his our way. When Sam wins a challenge, I feel proud. When he weeps, sadness fills my heart.  If I were on the Moon of Pandora, Sam would be my Avatar.

Note: I originally started watching The Biggest Loser in hopes it would motivate me to be more active. Regrettably all it ever does is make me crave chicken fingers.

Fritz European Fry House. Vancouver. [audio:Hurts So Good.mp3]

Filed Under Aoili, Fries, Music, Vancouver
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Here We Glowbal, Holla If Ya Hear Me Though, Come And Feel Me Flow.

Written by Esquire
January 23, 2010

Glowbal is a great spot in Yaletown, especially for lunch. The menu has a variety of interesting dishes. And the savings... This chicken wrap for example is  only 11$. It comes with fries, salad, and even a cup of soup. Unheard of, especially  for a Yaletown restaurant. The service is excellent as well. They even go so far as to place the soft fabric napkin onto your lap, similar to what a servant would do for their wealthy master. That's straight baller. Balla-face. Oh my face.

Glowbal. Yaletown, Vancouver. [audio:Feel Me Flow.mp3]

Filed Under Music, Vancouver
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Wingy Wingy Wingy, Cant You See. Sometimes Your Wings Just Hypnotize Me.

Written by Esquire
January 18, 2010

Wings, On Granville St. Just look for the Howard Johnston Hotel.  Wings is fortunate enough to share a bathroom with HoJo's lobby. Very classy. Im not sure how I feel about this establishment. Something tells me it would have more success in Surrey. Surrey or Jersey. Bridge and tunnel folk a plenty. Wings serves a very specific purpose, no more no less.  Go there to watch the game in LD (Low Def) and drink draft. Its loud, and Im unsure if the wings are even any good. I feel filthy each time I have eaten there. But then again, its wings, the armpit of chicken. What am I really expecting?

They make you sign a contract if you order the death wings. I took down a whole plate of those once. Yeah bitch. I sweat so much my actual eyeballs were perspiring. I looked like Patrick Demsey in 1995's Outbreak.  (Thats right, it was indeed Pat Demsey who contracts the virus from the monkey). And how it burned. I had no idea you could get the clap from eating hot wings. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. Yo Joe.

Wings. Vancouver. [audio:hypnotize.mp3]

Filed Under Chicken, Music, Vancouver, Wings
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I Gotta Stay Fry I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Till I Die I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.

Written by Esquire
January 16, 2010

I tried this little gem last night. Yam Tempura. You wont shape your tempura like the white man's french fry? Oh but they will. The presentation is outstanding,  as it always is at Sakana. Balsamic reduction even. The sake has dry erased most of my memory of the eve, but thank god for the trusty iphone.  This Omar Ep-ic picture reminds me of the good times.

Tempura is to Fries what Aioli is to Mayonnaise. Tempura is the new "Black". Sakana. Yaletown, Vancouver. [audio:Stay High.mp3]

Filed Under Music, Sushi, Vancouver
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Guess Who’s Back In The Motherf#ing House, With A Phat Deli For Your Motherf#ing Mouth?

Written by Esquire
January 14, 2010

Phat Deli in Yaletown is a great little lunch spot. They actually import the smoked meat from the infamous Swartz's Deli in Montreal, a fine establishment.  Although the amount of meat is sub par compared to Swartz's version, its still a good sandwich. For Yaletown the price seems within reason. If you Frenchmen are feeling homesick, check it. I think they also have a poutine. I will have to find out next round.

Phat Deli. Yaletown, Vancouver. [audio:It Aint No Fun.mp3] It Aint No Fun. Snoop Dogg.

I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain, I Make It Rain Librettos.

Written by Esquire
January 11, 2010

Arugula and the Old Boy


Pizzeria Libretto makes a very nice pie. Check them out in Toronto. They have received much hype as of late. The pizza has a nice sauce and a really thin crust, similar to a roti. Libretto always seems to be jammed from 5:30pm on, so roll early. Actually, I just heard they are now open for lunch. Booyah.

Note: You won't combine Pizza and Roti, making a highbred Pizzaroti?  That would be amazing. I hope I live to see that day. Iv'e also been waiting on the release of the hover board from Back to the Future Part 2. We are now officially in the future and still no sign of it.  I remain doubtful, yet patiently I wait.

Pizzeria Libretto. Toronto. [audio:makeitrain.mp3]

Filed Under Italian, Music, Pizza, Toronto
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I Want To Make Love To This Club. Sandwich.

Written by Esquire
December 29, 2009

Another hot item from Amsterdam was this Club Sandwich. It hit me right in the aioli.  Garlic aioli in fact. Unfortunately I cannot confirm exact coordinates of where  to obtain this glorious snack. It appears the aggressive amount of brew-ski's consumed that very day has jogged the memory. What I can recollect was this particular restaurant had a red Heineken sign. The problem is every street in Amsterdam has hundreds of Heineken signs, many of them red. Ballsnekia to ever finding that place again.

(Ballsnekia -balls-neck-e-ah - a Dutch word, meaning "balls". )

One spot you will have no problem finding is the Grolsch Bar. Actually, it will find you. No matter how far you walk, and how lost you get, you will most definitely end up back at this bar every time. Its like magic, or a fantasy.  I can imagine Narnia would be very similar to Amsterdam in that regard.

Although the beer at Grolsch is  very cold, regrettably the food is nothing like the club above. In fact, its terrible. Don't eat there, and you will have a splendid time. I repeat, the beer is ice cold.

Grolsch Bar. Amsterdam, Netherlands.


Filed Under Amsterdam, Music, Sandwich
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You Can Eat Whatever You Like.

Written by Esquire
December 26, 2009

There is no shortage of things to see in Amsterdam.  In particular the surprising amount of fast food establishments. It appears North American staples such as Burger King are held in high regard in this city. There are also French fry spots everywhere.  One would assume the Dutch are on the brink of obesity. This is clearly not the case. There are Viking-like girls on bikes everywhere. Babes on Bikes. I have a sneaking suspicion Bob and Julian from Biggest Loser were right. As long as you exercise, you can swing away on the snacks Brosef.

What was most impressive: FEBO - the vending machine restaurant chain. This place is truly from the future.  No more humans. Your only interaction is with a machine. Just like Terminator Salvation.  Obviously this concept has been thought of countless times (whilst on the electric lettuce), but here in Amsterdam they actually followed through with it. FEBO was full of customers each night despite the fact that there is a McDonalds right across the street.

Note - There was actually no midnight toking that induced this particular visit. Foreign substances would have only compromised the taste. Well, I guess we were on "the beer". The beer, and the vodka drink. You mix a vodka drink, you mix a whiskey drink. Right. Drunk eating. That explains why we tried one of everything.  Gluttony in its purest form.

FEBO. Amsterdam, Nederlands.

[audio:Whatever You Like.mp3]

Filed Under Amsterdam, Fast Food, Music
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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.