Its A Tragedy For Me To See, Hot Sauce All Over. But I Never Will Forget The Meal We Had. Taco Bell I’ll Miss You.



Written by Esquire
May 30, 2010






There were several instances where my associates and I would go to the  movie theater just to eat Taco Bell.  We would gladly pay the $12.95 movie premium to cover up the desire to dine at The Dynamic Duo: KFC/TB.

Note: When eating theater tacos,  precautionary measures must be taken. There is no such thing as too many napkins, and all hot sauces are to be applied before sitting in the dark theater to feast.

Each time I ate theater Bell I would assume all was well.  But then the movie would finish, lights would come on, and shit would be absolutely everywhere.  My thighs always got the worst of it. As customers exited the theater they would point at me and whisper to one another  that's the man  who had intercourse with  a burrito supreme. I always dreaded that situation, and often contemplated if the meal was worth such ridicule. Looking back, what I would give to  hold a taco in absolute theater darkness one last time. I would slather hot sauce all over my  chest if it would guarantee one more rendezvous. But alas, my slacks will never be soiled again. For KFC/TB at Scotia Bank Theater is no more. This is a tremendous loss for the snacking community.

Note: This masterpiece seen above is my brother's creation. I can't help but to think he knew the Duo wouldn't be here for much longer. On what would be our final visit, he exploited everything the joint menu had to offer,  creating a Hybrid dish. I give you the Popcorn Chicken Taco Supreme. To remember better days...

Taco Bell Scotia Bank Theater. Vancouver, BC. May 2006 - March 2010.

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Oh Joey’s, I’m Not Hungry Anymore.



Written by Esquire
May 28, 2010






This social lounge concept has really taken over the Vancouver restaurant scene lately. Apparently when you add the word fusion to a dish, you can charge what ever you like. I once had a trendy ramen bowl that was $16. FML. But let's be realistic. Who actually goes to these establishments with eating as their primary motive? Not me dog.

People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay? They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. That's what the flair's about. It's about fun.

This wing warmer at Joey's above is quite a novelty. The open flame adds an element of danger and excitement. I usually spend a King's ransom there.  Regrettably very little of that is ever on snacks. It would appear I favor purchasing over priced drinks as apposed to over priced food. Besides, if you have enough of those Super Sonic Vodka Tonics I guarantee you won't be hungry anymore.

Joey's. Vancouver.

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Come Here Rude Boy Boy, Is You Big Enough. Bacon Bacon. Baby Baby. Bacon Bacon. Love Me Love Me.



Written by Esquire
May 25, 2010






I have had some flavor explosions in my day, but these Tiny Bacon Wrapped Filets are out of control. Although they is never big enough, these little units are truly one of the finer things in life. Bacon, mayo, steak. Glorious.

Note: Most items on a tapas menu  usually come drizzled in  mayo theses days. This  of course is tremendous for thy lips, but a tragedy for thy neck, heart and hips.

21 Steps. Whistler, BC.

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North Van Nandos Got Crazy Game. But Downtown Nandos Is All The Same.



Written by Esquire
May 14, 2010






I first enjoyed Nandos' delicious Portuguese chicken many moons ago in North Vancouver. I always thought they could only be found deep in VGA suburbia. To my surprise I have learned they have various locations across BC, Alberta, and Ontario. More importantly they have recently opened a downtown location at Davie and Howe in Vancouver. My hats off to the fun boys of summer. They sure know how to fill that Davie St. with great eateries. Bin, Lolitas, Stephos, The Pumpjack, the list goes on.  Now I no longer have to ride my bike to Kits for my Portuguese fix. I probably shouldn't be cutting out fitness at this point in the game, but the downtown location enables me to expedite that peri peri sauce to my belly at a much faster rate .

Most Nandos have liquor licenses and patios. Yes, that is indeed a cooler accompanying my meal. The Growers White Grape is quite a refreshing way to wash down the  2 side dish combo. This obscene amount of rice and potatoes  above is known  as The Portuguese Carb Bomb.

Warning: After eating such complex carbohydrates your body will inevitably go into carbo-shock. Very similar to Toxic Shock Syndrome, but without Tampons. I suggest you get to a couch within 20 minutes.

Note: If Swiss Chalet were to have had a Portuguese cousin, I'd like to think Nando would be thy name.

Nandos.

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All Day All Day. Domino’s Sampling.



Written by Esquire
May 11, 2010






Domino's. I always felt that place should be called Dumpino's. No good  had ever come from indulging in their pies. I'm certain they could be used as a laxative. Shit literally went sideways one too many times, and I vowed never to touch the Domino product again. Recently Domino's has been running some interesting commercials. They have admitted their pizza's quality has been lousy in the past. They now claim to have improved their pies. Try us again, they ask. What an interesting way to regain lost market share: admit to everyone including your loyal customers that you have been serving garbage since 1960. I can't believe this approach is actually working. Their sales are up due to this campaign.

Despite my oath, I had to find out if there was any truth behind this outlandish claim. After multiple tests, I must say they have made improvements. The dough is definitely much nicer, and the sauce appears to have been upgraded as well. One more thing, I can attest the pepperoni they use is far less filthy then in previous years.  So yes, well done Domino's. You have moved up the pizza ladder by a few slots, from lousy to mediocre at best. I wouldn't be handing out any awards,  but if I happen to find myself in a snacking jam,  I may hit them up.

Note: In the English language there are officially only two things that can be deemed lousy: #1 -Pizza #2- Blowjobs.

Domino's Pizza.

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I Am On A 24 Hour, Hot Dog Diet.



Written by Esquire
May 7, 2010






Spilling while Im eating, I encourage you to try it. They call it the Zen Dog: Hot dog, chili, celery, tomatoes, relish, cream cheese, god knows what else. This is the greatest single dog on the planet at 3am on a Tuesday. The crispy piece of celery completely changes everything. I had seriously not eaten a hot dog in the longest time Ikea doesn't count. Yet on this particular day, I ate two. One at lunchtime, and well, one for my next meal at 3am.  How does that even happen? How bizarre, how bizarre. It was like I hit my head and forgot what I ate that day, only to return to the very same item hours later. Just like a goldfish. Can vodka give you a concussion?

The Dogfather is also known to have world renowned DJ's serving the dogs. Be sure to check out Happy Jack's set at El Furniture Warehouse before heading over for this late night snack. Once at the Dogfather, you may be served by yet again, Happy Jack. He truly is the King of Granville.

The Dogfather. Vancouver.

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Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.