Ooh Maltesers. I Believe You Can Get Me Through The Flight.



Written by Esquire
Tuesday






I don't usually partake in the sweets, but I happened to enjoy a bag of Maltesers whilst watching Hot Tub Time Machine the other day. What a delightful treat both movie and snack. They compliment the popcorn in such a way. Some claim the Whopper is a superior malt product. This is completely incorrect. Malteasers have a much nicer flavor, and a substantially higher grade of chocolate is used. Whoppers are clearly the poor mans malt.

I've  also been known to grab a bag of Maltesers at the airport just before a flight. When I fly, more often then not I am extremely hungover. That's always a real treat for the central nervous system. The turbulence. The stale air. The scent of the flight attendant's perfume mixed with washroom.  The sound of her pants  as she walks up and down the aisle. The crying baby. The coughing immigrant. The pretty  lady two rows too far. The chubby couple in his and hers Hawaiian shirts even though we are going to Toronto, WTF? The nausea heartburn indigestion upset stomach gonorrhea. It's all too much to handle. My anxiety meter reaches an all time high when various crash scenarios begin to play out in my mind. I turn to the Malteser to provide a much needed distraction. The only comfort I have is knowing that If the plane were to indeed go down, I'm going down Maltesing bro.

Note: Maltesers, nature's Gravol.

Maltesers.

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  1. Mimi May 16, 2010 10:07 pm

    You already know how I feel about maltesers.

    AG



Appies All The Time. Snack well, friend.